Tom Grape is the Chairman and CEO of Benchmark Senior Living, a health care service community that offers assisted living, independent living, memory care, skilled nursing and respite care.
In his Hot Seat interview, Grape gets personal by sharing his favorite mantra, his most important people management principle, his favorite morning drink (hint: it’s not coffee) and more.
Are you a morning person or a night owl?
I’m definitely a morning person. I’ve always been someone who tends to wake up early (usually without an alarm). I value those early hours and the quiet time I have. Also, my energy is highest in the morning, so I am at my best (though, I do enjoy the occasional late-night rally!). I also enjoy the early-morning conversations with folks in the office that might not occur during the hustle bustle of the day.
What is your personal mantra?
“You just can’t beat the person who won’t give up.” While not a favorite mantra, I’ve also found myself saying many times over the years as I’ve been building and growing a company, “Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time!”
If you could have one superpower, what would it be and why?
To talk to loved ones who are no longer here. I lost my then-20-year-old daughter to a rare cancer 5 years ago, and I miss her terribly. My conversations with Caroline were gifts that I will always cherish and wish I could continue.
It’s 7 am on a Saturday. Where are you right now?
Either puttering around my office or the house, or, if I’m lucky, still sleeping! And my morning routine always starts the day with a Diet Coke. I’ve actually never had a cup of coffee in my entire life and have no interest in one. So Diet Coke is my morning caffeine fix!
What is your favorite weekend activity?
Getting together with friends. We love hosting old friends for dinner parties either at our Weston, MA home or at our farm in Vermont and sharing many laughs and memories and usually a few extra bottles of wine.
What inspires you?
People. I feel inspired by those who have the courage to do what others don’t dare to do and are willing to take themselves out of their comfort zone. Whether it’s in business, philanthropy, public service or elsewhere. I admire the risk-takers, the creators, the disruptors. In our business, I am always deeply moved by our frontline caregivers and the never-ending stories of how loving, giving and nurturing they are.
If you could trade places with any other person for a week, who would it be and why?
I’d say Ted Lasso. I’d love a chance to get into the head of a person who only knows compassion and positivity. His character offers so much insight into the power of true human connection and not taking yourself too seriously.
If you could only eat one cuisine for the rest of your life, what would it be?
Is ice cream considered a cuisine?
What was the make of your first car?
The first car I bought was a used bright yellow Toyota hatchback. I don’t remember a lot about it except that it felt like I was driving a banana and nobody could miss it when I drove by. It was so bright!
What’s your favorite destination worldwide? I love many parts of Europe: the history, the food, the people. There’s always so much to take in and enjoy. It always feels like an adventure.
What’s the emoji you use most often? Smiley face. 
What was your first job in senior living and what was your biggest on-the-job lesson from that experience?
My first job in senior living was as head of Real Estate Development for a start-up in Boston. My biggest lesson was to always find the right operator. That’s the game.
If you could change one thing about senior living as we know it, what would it be?
To have society at large perceive it the way those of us in the industry know it to be: Wonderful, warm, caring settings that are great places to live and thrive.
What is your most important people management principle?
Share an exciting future that people can believe in and buy into.
Who is your greatest career inspiration?
My mother. Had she been of a different generation, she would have been a CEO. As it was, she ran several organizations in my hometown of Fairfield, CT and was known and loved by many. She taught me leadership skills, she instilled in me the commitment to be involved and give to my community, and she role modeled philanthropy and helping others less fortunate than we are. She was a powerful force. My friends lovingly nicknamed her “the Tiger”.
What’s one thing all senior housing professionals can do to improve the resident experience?
Focus on the personal interactions and how to improve them. The Benchmark Purpose statement is “To Transform Lives through Human Connection”. In order to fulfill this, it is imperative that everyone here really gets to know one another and our residents and families. As an executive we need to know our audience – whether through demographics, reviews, anecdotes – if you are to market to them. As a frontline associate or Executive Director, you need to know what makes every Associate and resident tick. What brings them joy? What upsets them? That’s the only way we can provide the kind of intimate, personal resident experience that our delighted customers have told us has made their time with us exceptional.
If you were recruiting someone to join the industry for the first time, what are three words you would use to describe the senior living industry?
Opportunity. Dynamic. Fulfilling.
Complete the sentence: In 2050, I hope senior living is…
Welcomed and embraced by society, not screwed up by politicians, evolved to be a leading field of innovation, attracted more types of capital and greater alignment between capital and long term operators, an attractive workplace option for both front line employees and college grads, appropriately integrated into the broader healthcare continuum, seen once again as the big idea it is-a residential philosophy versus a level of care, solved the “middle market” gap that currently exists, achieved meaningfully higher penetration rates among the seniors of tomorrow, looks like the current housing of the day in all shapes and sizes and less like separate settings, and the place where my friends and I are having a great time together!
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